Of course you have. Anyone has, at least in a dream.
But have you ever walked up to a perfect ten and said hello? (Not in a dream?)
Have you realized there are courageous, uncompromising men in this nation who have made it their profession to protect perfect tens from otherwise inevitable state of complete existential alienation? Did you know that – in certain highly influential circles – men capable of walking up to a perfect ten and starting a seemingly casual conversation rank among the world’s noblest heroes and benefactors, right next to Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi, and Donald Trump?
And the most important question: what the hell am I talking about?
What is a “perfect ten”?
A perfect ten is a woman whose physical and spiritual beauty is slightly less perfect than that of a perfect eleven. Or twelve. Of course, these days in our culture if you decide to strike up a conversation with a girl, she better be at least eighteen – but other than that, her age is not important. A typical woman may be thousands of years old, and yet still a ten (as can be observed by looking at Cate Blanchette and Liv Tyler in “Lord of the Rings”. Or your ex-girlfriend.) If you’re a budding pickup artist with a set of awesome seduction techniques under your belt, then being choosy is definitely a no-no.
A woman’s physical beauty isn’t particularly important, either. A case to the point: it’s the common knowledge among us, dating gurus, that all other dating gurus only hang out with extremely ugly girls – and yet every dating guru would call his (very current) girlfriend a perfect ten. Clearly, what all other dating gurus mean is that all their girlfriends as one possess incredible inner beauty that fully compensates for the obvious fact that they all could play mutant zombies in “Planet Terror” without any makeup (by “they all” I mean “the girlfriends”) (the gurus, too). Of course my own (very current) girlfriend is immune to the horrible pandemic that plagues all the other dating gurus’ (very current) girlfriends: she is indeed a perfect ten, spiritually AND physically – and don’t listen to what other dating gurus might tell you about her. But then again, I had met her at the grocery store.
Now that I think about it – who am I to tell you what a perfect ten really is? (The answer: just a guy who gets paid crazy megabucks to tell other guys what a perfect ten really is.)
Seriously though, you must not let anyone define your reality. You don’t have to trust me about that, just listen to what I’m saying to you. Your own vision of the perfect ten won’t come from me. It will occur to you as if by an accident, after I say the code words “baby carrot”. You will forget everything about this conversation. One, two, three, wake up.
(Resounding finger click).